A few months ago, I wrote about meeting a young mom of three daughters who was struggling, thinking she was a “bad mom.” She said she had hit rock bottom – her exact words – and mentioned feeling terrible guilt if she took 20 minutes to sit by herself and have a cup of coffee. After our conversation, which broke my heart, I asked moms on social media what they would have told her.
If you are a mom of young kids, I hope these words help. They are sent with so much love.
Marie The only “bad mom” is one who isn’t present. Ahhh but the catch is, you can’t be present unless you truly give yourself the gift – however brief – of being present with yourself and your thoughts. Note that this is said by a mom of four grown children who wishes she had do-over moments, who wishes she’d had more patience and presence. You are doing the very best you can, and your children will know and feel this. Give yourself the grace you deserve.
Patty The fact that you’re worried about failing them tells me how much you love them. Your daughters don’t need perfection, they just need you.
Marilyn Beth I read something years ago: You cannot fill your child’s tank if yours is empty. Take time for yourself.
Maria Please remind mothers that their rest matters to their daughters. The culture, society, economy and the world forgot that her rest matters. She does not want to pass that on to her daughters, because their rest matters too.
Susan It’s not the quantity of time that matters but the quality of the time that is spent when with them. Taking a break to drink a cup of coffee can be a quick way to reset and restore ourselves and ultimately show up as an even more present parent.
Lisa Taking care of yourself as a woman independent of other roles should always be part of the formula, but it’s something we as women often let go. There are no right or wrong answers. Just try to do your best in that moment. Your best is enough.
Leigh Anne Don’t strive for perfection. It’s not attainable or necessary. They just need to know they are loved and can talk to you about anything without judgement.
Sue Someone once told me that because the thought “we’re not doing enough” even crosses our minds – that should be enough to let us know we are doing just fine. If our kids are happy and healthy and smiling, and we are installing important morals and values, none of the other things matter.
Jamila To the young lady raising her children: Don’t lose sight of who you are as a person while raising your kids. They will grow up and move on. Try your best to achieve your goals and dreams, and include them in the process to show them that it can be done.
Lisa I modeled taking time to drink my coffee, because it was what I needed in that moment to be present in a later moment. I modeled what it means to be human – not perfect. Neither of my adult children are serial killers, and I have a fabulous relationship with them both.
Christine You are enough. Your kids will emulate you, so show them you take care of yourself by taking the mental breaks you need. They will then know how to practice self-care as well.
Racheal She needs to give herself grace. I have been there. I think the big thing is that your children know you were there for them, you’re providing for them, and you are a constant source of love.
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