To Ashley

At any moment, our digital strategist is going to have a baby – her first baby. I’ve been lucky enough to spend the last 9 months watching as the due date gets closer, and smiling because I know what her life is about to become. So Ashley, this is for you.

This may be a weird way to start, but the one thing I do remember clearly (and painfully) about having my first baby is that I didn’t bond with her right away. I would say for at least 2 weeks, maybe longer, I cared for her like I would any baby. But it took time for me to feel like I was her mom and feel the joy that comes with that. The guilt I had during that time was pretty brutal. I couldn’t help but become obsessed with the question: What mom doesn’t immediately bond with her baby? But apparently, many don’t, and if that happens to you in any form, it’s ok. How you feel after you have the baby – exhausted, sad, elated, stressed, joyful, or even all those things in one day – it’s ok. It won’t last. So much of what happens that first year won’t last. Except for the part when you feel connected to your baby, which will one day happen – that will last forever.

I’m sure you’ve seen posts about how quickly the early years with your child go by. I see those and I relate, but I can never think of a way to really get that message across to young parents, how to get them to truly understand the whirlwind they are about to live through. Because over the next 10 years or so, you’re going to be super busy and life will be coming at you fast, but you don’t want to miss what’s happening. I know it’s hard to imagine this, but you don’t want this baby to leave for college one day and your head is spinning because you feel you just missed it all.

It actually took me watching home videos to see that I didn’t miss it. I have so many videos of the girls singing and dancing in the living room or just playing with each other. There are times where I hid outside a doorway, recording them dressed in princess gowns or playing school. When I found those videos, I had such a feeling of relief because I realized every time I pressed record, I was recognizing this was a special moment. I was really seeing it as it happened. It’s so important that you see it too, really see it. Because the precious moments fly by. And they’re so wonderful.

But keep in mind, not every moment is wonderful. Some are really hard. Sometimes, you don’t know what to do and then you realize you’re the mom and you’re supposed to know. Sometimes your baby won’t stop crying. Sometimes she won’t sleep. And sometimes you’ll feel like you can’t function because you’re sleep deprived. And sometimes you’ll wonder what you used to talk about, what you used to care about. That will happen. Totally normal.

A really unusual time for me after the baby was born was when Joe went back to work and my mom stopped coming over every day. It was suddenly just me and this baby at home. I didn’t know how to function. What was I supposed to do every day with an infant? Like, in each hour of every day, what are you supposed to actually do when you have a human who pretty much can’t move without you. I mentioned my apprehensions to my mom and she said, “You just always take her with you. She stays with you.” She told me that if I was going to fold laundry, I should take the baby and put her next to me on the couch. If I was eating lunch, keep her next to me while I ate. She said I should talk to her, which felt very odd. But that was the beginning of what became an overwhelmingly comfortable feeling of having this daughter with me. Through everything.

As I’ve gotten to know you over the past few years, there is so much I’m certain of. Your baby will be so loved. She’ll be protected and cherished every day. You’re going to be a great mom who can take care of anything and everything. This baby will be by your side for many, many years and you’ll feel a joy you just can’t explain. The happiest of days lie ahead. Enjoy them all.

All of us at SJ Mag Media wish you & your family a safe, happy and peaceful holiday.