“Daddy, I saw you giving Mommy a hug and a kiss.”
It wasn’t like I was trying to hide it or anything. And I tried to explain to Brandon it just showed that Mommy and I love each other (though I remember cringing when my parents would kiss in front of me when I was younger). At the end of this month, Sarah and I will celebrate 10 years since I proposed on New Year’s Eve (which she still swears I chose so I wouldn’t forget the date.) So much has changed in that span of time: from jobs to homes to health… and of course kids. Not surprising, along the way there have been plenty of ups and downs we’ve gone through and overcome.
Sarah & Jason – 2014
But while so much is different, there’s a lot that has also stayed the same. It’s just our circumstances that have changed. Finding ways to show affection and love, without the judgment of a 6-year-old, is definitely a little harder than I expected, but we still find ways to be close (until Brandon or Adam jump between us on the couch). We try to find ways to show each other we still enjoy each other’s presence and want to be around each other. For the most part I suppose I don’t feel like we are being judged by Brandon (which is when Adam decides to show up instead), but that wasn’t even really a consideration before kids.
When we started talking about getting together and dating, Sarah and I realized that we had a number of mutual friends. And they encouraged our relationship and jokingly referred to us as Team Sarah (a term coined by Sarah actually). It sorta became our thing. We embraced it and the team aspect of it slowly became our way of figuring out how to do life together.
Since we got together when we were both a bit older and had our own homes and businesses, we joked that our relationship was a little more like a “merger” as well. We had to find a way to take our separate lives and weave them together. But at the time, we had no idea just how important teamwork and melding our separate lives would become. Now, instead of just being with her as a partner, we work with each other to try to figure out the best way to manage the daily challenges of raising kids (and there are alot!). Parenting is hard even on the best of days. Remembering we are on the same team is often what keeps us steady as the boys try to push our buttons and boundaries, as they grow and learn.
The more I reflect, I realize it’s not even that we regularly disagree on things. In fact, I think more often than not, we seem to have similar perspectives and ideals on various issues. But perhaps we have different ways of expressing and approaching them. Or other times you’re just simply having a bad day and don’t say what you want the way you meant. But you still have to find a way to stay focused and work together. We have continuously tried to have a dialogue so we can learn from each other and better understand how to communicate most effectively and how to support one another (which we are better at some days than others). It isn’t always easy though while your kids are saying your name over and over and over, looking for an immediate response.
Yet through young children, a pandemic, financial downturn, sickness and health too, we have definitely had more tests of “Team Sarah” in the last few years than we could have ever expected. But when I look at all we have accomplished in that time, including sharing our story with you in this column each month, we have continued to find a way to come through stronger by leaning on each other to get through it all. And as we start our next 10 years together, I’m again reminded just how lucky I am to continue to be a part of this team with my partner. ’Cause I think we just might be winning.
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