“That dinner was really good, we should have more like it!”
We were sitting around the table having “pasta night” together when Adam made this proclamation. For us, meals haven’t always been easy, so such an exclamation wasn’t expected. Parenting is tough stuff, but statements like that occasionally make the struggles seem less futile. I’ve written in the past about negotiating over chicken nuggets and trying to find creative ways to get the boys to try new foods, all of which has been a challenge (to say the least).
We’ve tried tasting plate meals at home with small samples. We’ve gone out to so many different restaurants, including buffets, to try all sorts of food. And we’re always open to letting them take a taste of anything we have on our plates. We haven’t always had success, but we haven’t given up. We keep trying no matter how frustrating it has felt at times.
For us it’s as much about the food they eat as it is the time we spend together as family. Sarah and I both grew up in homes that regularly had family dinner. There was no TV, no distraction and no excuses. We all spent time at the table, spoke about our day and had uninterrupted time together while eating the same meal.
Now that the boys are a bit older, we wanted to try to recapture some of that in our own home to show the boys the importance of having this time together. But we needed to make it fit our schedule, which isn’t the same as when our parents were planning dinner.
When we first started dating, Sarah and I were in a different place in life. We both had more than fulltime jobs, where we were working opposite hours and often ran in different directions. That made it hard for just the two of us to sit down to dinner together, let alone have a family meal. As we settled down, had kids and changed jobs, our schedules changed but we still weren’t eating together regularly. And some days, it felt like we were in a daze, barely eating at all and just trying to keep up, or eating after we got the kids in bed – too exhausted from the day to even talk.
Still, our goal was always to have family dinners in our own home, where we sat at a common time to eat together with time to talk. Finding our way into that routine when our kids were young was challenging. Suddenly there’s homework, and camp, and after-school activities, and there is still our own careers and daily challenges. The simple fact is that the ideal doesn’t always match the reality of our world. And the dinners we remember as kids seem like distant memories.
We’re working on it though and our dinners are getting better. Many times we are able to set aside that time. When we do, the boys help to set the table by dividing up the jobs for one to put out the napkins while the other gets the utensils. They like to help make parts of the meal with us. We turn off the TV and other screens to talk about our day. And yes, we all eat the same cooked food (sometimes a bit more begrudgingly for some of us than others). They even somehow ask to be excused when they think they are done before often helping put their dish in the sink.
I’m not saying we have the kids eating lobster and escargot yet. But we are together at the end of our days, sharing our experiences and making sure to check in with one another. Right now, that’s the progress I’ll take. And it’s exactly where I want to be.
Read More “Making Time” by Jason Springer
