“Why can Adam be so much fun sometimes and so annoying other times?”
Sometimes kids can say so much when they say so little. Brandon and I have been talking lately about adjusting to being the big brother who now has a little brother hanging around more.
The boys used to be in separate schools, with varying schedules and activities. Even in the summer, they used to do different things. But this year things changed. Now they both wait at the same bus stop to take the bus together to the same school each day, just like they did to camp all summer. They see each other in the halls during the day and then go to the same baseball fields for practice or games. And now Adam wants to join along when Brandon goes to play with his friends – who are older than Adam. You can imagine how well that goes over.
There are times when one brother can be the other’s biggest supporter and cheerleader. Like when Brandon was helping Adam learn how to ride his bike without training wheels, running along before letting go and encouraging Adam as he kept pedaling. It was so awesome to just sit and watch. I caught myself with the biggest smile on my face, feeling such pride that they did it together. Then there are other days when they can’t help but antagonize each other. Some days it seems like you can’t walk away from them without hearing some type of disagreement in another room. And even though they need to learn how to work it out, I have to be prepared to walk back in to help deal with whatever happened.
Look, I’m not one to talk. You might even say I took advantage as the older brother myself… more than once or 20 times. My younger brother still reminds me that for me to keep a secret for him, he would have to give me something. I’m not talking about a toy to play with for a day, more like giving up the front seat for life. (Yes, life.) And then he would honor his word by getting in the back seat (until my parents found out the crazy deals I was having him agree to.) The boys know all about it, and we kid that they need to be nicer to each other than I was to their uncle.
They are siblings and know each other better than anyone, which means they know when the other is struggling and needs a hug or a pick-me-up. On the flip side, it also means they know how to push each other’s buttons too.
Growing up with a younger brother makes this all so familiar to me, so with everything we did to – or for – each other, I get it. From the disagreements to the fights, we learned how to protect each other along the way, how to stand up for ourselves, how to forgive each other and how to know that, in the end, we were always going to have each other.
And that’s what I hope the boys learn themselves and remember as they grow up. I want them to figure out their own relationship, even if it’s challenging as the parent for me not to officiate at times. But I also want them to remember that no matter how upset or frustrated they get with each other, they’ll always be brothers.
