“But I don’t want to skip it, Daddy. I want to go!”

Sometimes I feel like I have a conversation (well many times) and soon find out it was received a completely different way. Welcome to parenthood. With a 7- and 4-year-old, sometimes you can say the same thing to one only for it to be received completely different by the other.

One of the things I like to do with the boys is spend some time in the morning throwing some stones, whether it’s at the lake near our house or at the bay when we are on vacation. It started when Brandon was little and Adam wasn’t even born yet. We’d collect a cup of little rocks while on vacation, go over to the water in the early morning while Sarah was sleeping, and have some time together talking and tossing them into the water while watching boats go by. We’d see how far the water rippled, the distance we could toss the stones, and if we could skip any rocks along the surface.

So one morning this past summer at the Shore, I asked Adam, “Do you want to skip stones tomorrow?” I thought it was a pretty straightforward question, but I didn’t realize he’d take me so literally. The tears started to flow as he said, “I don’t want to ‘skip’ it Daddy. I want to go and do it!” Not realizing I had to be so thoughtful with my words about this, I went to where Brandon was sitting to confirm our plans and used a different phrase. I asked him if he wanted to toss stones in the morning and he was quick to let me know, “Oh, I know how to skip them. You need a flat one to do it,” he replied. I probably should have realized that Brandon would know what I was talking about, but for Adam it’s just the latest example of how words matter. 

A few days later, it was almost naptime. Of course, Adam was having none of it because he didn’t want to miss out on time playing with his cousins or grandparents. Mind you, everyone pretty much settles in for some quiet time or a nap after lunch anyway, so he really wasn’t going to miss anything. He asked me, “Can I take a short nap?” I should have asked him to define short, but instead I told him that it would be ok if he went down for a nap right now (which was after about a half hour of stalling). I knew that once he fell asleep he’d be out for a while. But about 5 minutes later he called through the monitor and said, “I’m done with my short nap. Can I get up now?” I let him know he had to actually sleep for it to be a short nap and although not happy, he put his head back down. About 2.5 hours later I woke him up.

And it’s not just on vacation. Adam’s become a big baseball fan so he’s wanted to go to a Phillies game for some time now. One day while driving him home from school, he asked me again. I said, sure we’ll go (meaning, one day…). Then I kept going home. When I pulled in the driveway he started to cry uncontrollably. I asked what was wrong and he said he was upset because he thought we were going to the game. It’s not like I ever really said that but what I actually said was irrelevant at that moment. Instead, we made a deal to watch the game at home and get tickets for another night.

We’ve quickly learned that we need to watch every single sentence and phrase we say now, specifically because of how literal he is. And he’s got a really good memory too, so he won’t forget the words we do choose to say.

Sometimes his “Adam-isms” are adorable. Other times you end up with a child melting simply because you decided to go back to your home, which was where we were going all along. Either way, I’m watching my words, figuring it out one day at a time and doing the best to enjoy the moments, even when they are challenging.

Read More “Making Time” by Jason Springer