“Daddy, did you have a long day? It looks like you’re tired.”

Adam pointed out something that probably looked rather obvious if I held up a mirror. I was exhausted. It wasn’t just that I was working late, getting up early and feeling physically worn down. I was mentally tired too. And apparently, it was showing enough that my 4-year-old could see something was up.

I’ve been very open about the anxiety and mental health challenges I faced and had to learn to work through while growing up. And while I have made significant progress, some days are still better than others. When I was single and without a spouse or children, the implications of a challenging day mentally, felt significantly different than they are now. Now I have a family and business, and when I come home from a long day, the stressors continue to follow me while I try to also be present as a husband and father.

I’ve spent years speaking to therapists and trying to work on things that are hard for me. (I tell the boys I think everyone should have a “friend” to talk to about how they are feeling.) Frankly, I started talking to a therapist when I was very young hoping to make sense of my parents getting divorced. But I don’t think I was ready back then. Seeing a therapist wasn’t something I chose as a kid, so I didn’t get much out of it. As I got older, I sought out help on my own to figure out how to do life better and to help me overcome some of my struggles. I didn’t always handle stress well – it’s still a struggle. I often would let things make me anxious and uncomfortable. I just wasn’t happy with myself, despite all the good things I had going on. 

My life has been a constant search to manage my emotions better. As an adult, seeing my therapist regularly is no longer just for myself. It’s so I can handle the rollercoaster of parenting two children, being a responsible business owner and also being a good partner to my wife. But that’s only MY mental health and emotions. I’m working toward finding ways to balance all aspects of my life, to be more holistic and present in general. I don’t want it to be only about me, or just for me. It’s about my entire family.

Parenting is challenging no matter what state of health you find yourself in. If I’m upset, stressed or anxious because of something the kids or Sarah had nothing to do with, I need to find a way to not let it impact the rest of the household. Or at least not take it out on family members. It’s not necessarily their fault if I’m struggling or have had a bad day at work, but it’s so easy to take out feelings on the ones closest to you.  And even though they add to the responsibilities and stresses I have at times, they also add to the joy and happiness that has made my life as full as it is. 

I also don’t want my mental health challenges to steal my ability to be present with the boys. I want to make sure I’m engaged with them, rather than up in my head thinking things over a million times (which is sometimes easier said than done). And when I do get up in my head, how do I make sure I give myself a little grace and don’t beat myself up afterward for not being present? 

I recognize the only way I can care for my family, my business, my friends is to keep taking care of myself too. And even though that balance is never easy, I’ll keep looking for it. And then eventually, it’s likely I’ll write about it here too. 

Going back to where we started. After Adam told me how tired I looked, he said, “Come here and sit down, Daddy. I’ll put a blanket over you and give you a kiss. You can rest.” Good idea buddy. A rest would be just perfect right about now.

Read More “Making Time” by Jason Springer